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Location: St. Cloud, Florida, United States

I'm an asshole. A huge, gaping, freshly fucked asshole.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Three Categories of Asses and Their Lovers

Now, these days, thanks to the decline of Ally McBeal and the popularity of hip hop, the woman's booty has experienced an upsurge in importance. Because of this upsurge, you guys need me to make sense of the situation. I will. Ladies and gentlemen, The Four Categories of Asses and Their Lovers.

CAT 1: The Ghetto Booty

Ah yes, the ghetto booty. Recently, it has experienced an explosion in growth, both in size and popularity. The ghetto booty is a large, plump ass that tends to stick out, defying the laws of gravity. The ghetto booty usually belongs to a hispanic or a black woman, however, there have been white women seen with one. People who admire this manifestation of junk in the trunk tend to be from the hip hop crowd, though it made include the occasional middle aged white businessman and always a depraved fuck who was secretly in love with his mother. Advantages: A lot to grip, cushion for the pushin. Disadvantages: Too much to grip, too much cushion for the pushin'. Oh yeah and usually a fuckload of disgusting cellulite. Ugh.

CAT 2: The Emaciated No-Ass

The Emaciated No-Ass is a type of ass or lack of thereof that makes you want to feed the girl who owns it. It looks like their sitting on a deflated airbag, and if one of them sits on your lap, then you're going to suffer bruising. But scooting past the severe contusions, you do eventually see the beauty of an ass the makes the girl look like an innie from the back. Lovers of this kind of ass includes no one and coke addicts stuck in the 90s. Advantages: Great if you want to save money by purchasing children's jeans. Disadvantages: Severe lack of lumbar support, causation of nausea, overall nastiness.

To Be continued tommorow, im fuckin tired


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