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Location: St. Cloud, Florida, United States

I'm an asshole. A huge, gaping, freshly fucked asshole.

Friday, July 15, 2005

Daytime Television

In appreciation of all of you housewives, I've decided to make a review of the shit you watch. Daytime television shows.

Jerry Springer

Springer has gotten to the point of near legitimacy. Though he
happens to be the king of absolute shit, he's respected enough to get his own shitty special on VH1. Were it not for Springer, we wouldn't know what the Republican voting constituency looks like. Springer gets: B+

Judge Judy

A menopausal bitch who shrilly insults women that don't discuss the terms of a blender rental. If you someone didn't return your tire iron, or if they took 50 cents from your purse, you go to Judge Judy's small claims court. Then you can have a cunt that gets paid 30 million dollars a year yell at you on national television. This makes me want to go back to the days of Judge Mills Lane, who was a badass without being an insufferable psychobitch. Judy gets: D

The View

5 women sit around and talk shit. It includes Star Jones. Enough said: F

Ricki Lake

Washed up, fat ass, former weather bitch that no one stands. Reminds me of the dumbass who always cries about how guys don't like women for their personalities, just for their big tits. Then proceeds to get plastic surgery in order to have big tits. She's retarded as hell and her only fans are three hundred pound depressed white women who are divorced with 14 kids. Ricki's grade: D

Maury Povich

It seems to me that Maury Povich selects his guests directly from a food stamp line. If it isn't Bonquisha with her 7 children, its always some hispanic woman with fourteen names. The usual show runs like so: trot out sluts, hear their sob story about how hard it is to raise a child, then bring out the 7 or 8 brain dead dickweeds who possibly impregnated her. It's guaranteed that two of those cockmunches are cousins who hi five each other everytime that one of them calls the woman a bitch. Maury opens the envelope, says who the father of the child is, then listens to the new father dutifully dote about how hes going to assume responsibility, only to see the open legged whore he impregnated on the show three months later bitching about how all he did was watch prison movies and play with little boys. Maury: C

More Tommorrow


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