Yes, yes I have taken a rather extensive leave from activities here at the Symposium, but a lot has changed. For example, the last time I graced your eyes with the beauty of my prose was way the fuck back in November. Repeating myself, A whole hell of a lot has changed. For example, I no longer walk around my house with nothing but my grandmother's used tampon hanging from my lip. Actually, I have never done that shit in my life but it sounds like an amazing idea. To make things simpler I have composed a list of Five major events in my life that have occured while away from this shit infested "blog". They are as follows
1. I have gotten pussy. Loads of it.
So now I'm a dickhead. Officially anyway, you see before the blog would be notoriously lacking any accounts whatsoever of any of my sexual pursuits. That's because at that point I still said things like "have you ever seen a chick's buh-gina?" and stupid shit like that to rather experienced friends of mine. After cutting my teeth with a couple of STD infested, Cum stained gutter whores, I emerged an expert in the art of pounding pussy. Yes, I am well versed in the nuanced craft of full on deep dicking.
2. I endured a(nother) year of high school.
This inevitably makes me more of an asshole than I ever was due to the fact that I had to go through an entire sorrounded by dicklicking fuckmonkeys of the sort that post dumbass youtube videos of retarded donkeys fucking all over their sad pathetic myspaces. This makes my blood boil, along with the typical assholes you meet, like the phantom of the opera fellating fuck turkeys that infest the drama department, non english speaking mira mira's and the rest of the dumbasses. I'm rusty, Fuck you.
3. I got into multiple fights with a 35 year old asshole.
Fuck him and his stupid gap tooth. This dumb fuck is the type of person that got his ugly little hood rat pregnant at an early age and chose to keep it instead of decking that bitch in the stomach while he was still able to. Now he has a faggoty ass cue ball headed son that has fantasies involving Friends characters throat fucking him. Anyway, he didn't get the memo that he was a middle aged piece of shit and I had to deliver it, Don King style. He can lick the vomit out of my taint. I swear if another New Yorican asshole with a literacy problem threatens to snap my neck, I'm going to spackle my balls.
Alright like I said, I'm rusty, so you assholes are going to have to wait till tommorrow for the other two, in the mean time, enjoy Chumbawumba.
1. I have gotten pussy. Loads of it.
So now I'm a dickhead. Officially anyway, you see before the blog would be notoriously lacking any accounts whatsoever of any of my sexual pursuits. That's because at that point I still said things like "have you ever seen a chick's buh-gina?" and stupid shit like that to rather experienced friends of mine. After cutting my teeth with a couple of STD infested, Cum stained gutter whores, I emerged an expert in the art of pounding pussy. Yes, I am well versed in the nuanced craft of full on deep dicking.
2. I endured a(nother) year of high school.
This inevitably makes me more of an asshole than I ever was due to the fact that I had to go through an entire sorrounded by dicklicking fuckmonkeys of the sort that post dumbass youtube videos of retarded donkeys fucking all over their sad pathetic myspaces. This makes my blood boil, along with the typical assholes you meet, like the phantom of the opera fellating fuck turkeys that infest the drama department, non english speaking mira mira's and the rest of the dumbasses. I'm rusty, Fuck you.
3. I got into multiple fights with a 35 year old asshole.
Fuck him and his stupid gap tooth. This dumb fuck is the type of person that got his ugly little hood rat pregnant at an early age and chose to keep it instead of decking that bitch in the stomach while he was still able to. Now he has a faggoty ass cue ball headed son that has fantasies involving Friends characters throat fucking him. Anyway, he didn't get the memo that he was a middle aged piece of shit and I had to deliver it, Don King style. He can lick the vomit out of my taint. I swear if another New Yorican asshole with a literacy problem threatens to snap my neck, I'm going to spackle my balls.
Alright like I said, I'm rusty, so you assholes are going to have to wait till tommorrow for the other two, in the mean time, enjoy Chumbawumba.
posted by Emmanuel Cruz | 5:47 PM
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